The Electric Commentary

Monday, March 08, 2004


The Electric Commentary or
That Is So Retro.

Why is it so retro, you ask? Just a few short years ago the St. Louis Rams, now in first place in the NFC west, were beating the Philadelphia Eagles, first place in the NFC East, in the NFC Championship Game only to lose to the New England Patriots, first place in the AFC East, in the Super Bowl. Dynasties aren’t dead, they just take a year off now and then.

Why Play Hard If You Can’t Win A Turkey Leg?

How I miss John Madden’s mutant six-legged turkey. And the awards that they did pass out (an old fashioned iron on CBS, a turkey statue produced by Joe Buck’s 10 year old son on Fox) probably went right into the trash can as soon as the respective winners hit the locker room to be picked up by towel boys and sold on E-bay for 50 bucks.

Game 1.

You knew it was bad when Joe Buck announced that Gilbert Brown’s mom prepared thanksgiving dinner for her son and several teammates the night before. I believe it may have been as many as 29 others. 4 Turkeys were prepared. This meant that Gilbert was undernourished for the game! Why this is not a bigger story I do not know, but surely the number of teammates present cut into his normal four turkey meal to a substantial degree. And if Grady Jackson was there, well it’s a wonder that Gilbert was even walking around. The reason that the Packers were able to lose to the lowly Detroit Lions is two-fold.

1. The Packers could not run (and only tried 16 times, as stated numerous times before, you don’t have to run well, just run! See: New England) This is bad because for most of the season, and especially with Brett’s broken thumb, the Packers can not pass. Therefore, if they can not run, they can not do anything offensively. This put them into a desperate situation that created…

2. Turnovers. When the Pack turns it over, they lose; it is as simple as that.

Detroit simply played it close to the vest, surrendering only one turnover, and got a few Jason Hanson field goals. For the most part, the Packer defense performed admirably (after the first five minutes anyway).

The bottom line is that all signs point to this game as a fluke. The Packers passing game is their Achilles’ heel and everyone already knows it, but they can usually run the ball anyway. They ran into some good fat guys today (the Lions defensive tackles are perhaps their best players), in a dome, on the road, on a short week. TMQ has mathematically determined that the Thanksgiving game adds about 1 win every 2 years to the Lions win total. Games like this are the proof.

Game 2
Quarterback Relativity in Action.

Miami suddenly looks like an offensive juggernaut with Jay Fiedler back at the helm, taking over for the awful Brian Griese. Suddenly Chris Chambers is a top NFL receiver and Ricky Williams looks good again. On the other hand, the Cowboys are now in some serious trouble. They have real problems against good defenses and they will encounter another one next week against the Eagles. Miami has a tough matchup itself as they face the Patriots. As a Ricky Williams fantasy owner I swear he plays against a top defense every single week. Its very frustrating.

In other Quarterback Relativity news, Kordell Stewart benefited from immobile, awful Chris Chandler style with his mobile, awful Kordell Stewart style. The Bears destroyed the lowly Cardinals as a result. The true test for the Quarterback Relativity theory will come as soon as Patrick Ramsey gets back in the Redskins lineup. I would include Drew Brees but he isn’t better than Flutie so the theory may not work there.

Your Guess Is As Good As Mine (Note: This means you will be wrong).

So I’m sitting at home last week, with my Bengal pick already in hand and ¾’s of my parlay complete. The Chiefs have a comfortable 11 point lead, and there is under one minute to go. The Chargers surely wouldn’t put up a meaningless touchdown to beat the spread. Then, with 6 seconds left in the game, Flutie takes the snap rolls right, avoids Vonnie Holiday lunging at him, and fires a touchdown at the back of the end zone to some tight end I’ve never heard of to cover the spread. Just take a knee OK? Still, a great week as I went 3 for 4 and the Bengals won outright, just as I said So what of this week with all of its great matchups?

We go back to the Rams, who could not possibly be stupid enough to not cover this spread. They are 4 point favorites against the Browns. The Browns explode for a ton of points every so often. Not this week. The Ram defense has been resurrected with the return of Little. Cleveland will not score more than a few field goals. With Marshall now completely healthy this is an absolute route. Take the Rams, -4.

For a nice Parlay:

Rams (-4) over Browns,
Jets (+3) over Buffalo (Note: This game seems pretty solid too. The Jets are getting points? No way.)
Kansas City (+1.5) over Denver
Philly (-5.5) over Dallas

We also like Oklahoma (-14) over Kansas State in the Big 12 Championship Game.


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