The Electric Commentary

Friday, October 29, 2004

NFL Time: Ancient Chinese Riddle

If no one watches the Bears-49ers on Sunday Night Football, or the Jets-Dolphins on Monday Night Football, does either game still take place?

What a terrible group of games. I know that it's tough to predict in advance what games will be compelling, and the Jets and Dolphins have played a few very memorable games on MNF, but who in their right mind thought that the Bears and 49ers would be interesting for anyone? I guess it is at least a scary matchup for Halloween.

In other frightening news, the world will almost certainly implode this Sunday when Detroit WR Roy Williams faces off against Dallas FS Roy Williams. If there is a big collision between the two, everyone should seek immediate shelter.

Scarier still are the Washington Redskins who have predicted the last 15 presidential elections correctly:

The Washington Redskins have proved to be a time-tested election predictor. In the previous 15 elections, if the Washington Redskins have lost their last home game prior to the election, the incumbent party has lost the White House. When they have won, the incumbent has stayed in power.

(Hat tip, Football Outsiders)

Apparently the EC will all be Packer fans on Sunday (though most of us already are). Speaking of the Packer game, I'm not feeling good about this one (I'm also staying negative on the Pack until the reverse jinx I have going on wears off). Sure the Redskins are sorry on offense, but the Packers are really hurting on defense with Sharper and Harris at least slowed by injuries. Sharper will be wearing a fairly heavy brace, and has already stated that it makes him uncomfortable.

It's cliched to say that a game will be decided by turnovers, but in this case it's true. If Ahman fumbles they'll probably lose. Plus Bush is still polling well.

Atlanta tries to rebound from their terrible game against the Chiefs in which Derrick Blaylock, Priest Holmes, and Dick Vermeil's little niece Gina each rushed for four TDs. They run smack dab into Reuben Droughns (who Droughns on and on and on...) and the Broncos who suffered a humiliating defeat of their own last week to the Bengals. The Bengals Chad Johnson played his best game of the year, repeatedly toasting all-pro corner Champ Bailey. Meanwhile the Broncos could not overcome the one problem that has plagued them all season: Jake Plummer at QB. Look for Atlanta to rebound and steal this one from the Broncos and Peter King's MVP.

The Giants play the Vikings, and Randy Moss is still gimpy (either that or he decided to go as David Boston for Halloween). The Outsiders, by the way, had this to say:

Al: I really just want to vent about how terrible a running back Ron Dayne is. I'm sure he's a fine man who loves his mother and helps old ladies across the street. But he has no business on an NFL roster, let alone actually on the field during an actual game, let alone carrying the ball on 3rd-and-goal from the one yard line.

I've ripped on Drew Bledsoe's play too many times to mention, but at least Bledsoe could be a competent NFL player if he had a brick wall of protection in front of him. If you put a brick wall in front of Ron Dayne, he would run directly into it. He wouldn't notice the huge opening two steps to his right. He'd just run straight ahead. Running through the hole would require Dayne doing something crazy like "using peripheral vision," or "changing directions," or "turning his hips," things Dayne has shown a complete inability to do in his NFL career.

How is he still on an NFL roster? The
Birmingham Bolts would have put him on their practice squad. He would be cut by the Cologne Centurions. The Winnipeg Blue Bombers wouldn't invite him to a tryout. What does Ron Dayne bring to the table? Does he actually possess any discernible football skills? I haven't seen any.

All good points. The Giants have thrown away many many points while trying to turn Ron into a short yardage back. It stops this week as the Viking defense is unveiled as the Silly Putty that it is (notice that when their defensive linemen get pancaked onto their backs they pick up the lines and numbers on the field! Just like Silly Putty! It's amazing!) .

Willis McGahee will start at halfback for the NFL's second worst team this week. It doesn't matter, as the Bills aren't even in the Cardinal's league (If Rolen starts hitting again). He'll be lucky not to blow out his knee again.

The best game of the week is the Steelers-Patriots game, and I'm calling it. The streak ends on Sunday! Boston cannot, I repeat, CANNOT have two dominant teams at the same time. Some sacrifice must be paid to the Sports gods, and the Patriots are going to pay it. They've had cream puffs since the Colts almost beat them (and yes, the Jets are cream puffs), and they will be unprepared for Big Ben and the Steelers.

Halloween Costumes:

Al Harris - Bob Marley

Drew Bledsoe - A Statue

Roy Williams - Roy Williams

Roy Williams - Roy Williams

Drew Brees - Tom Brady

Jonathan Quinn - A Medicine Woman

Craig Krenzel - An NFL Quarterback

Tim McCarver - Pat Summerall

John Madden - Frank Caliendo

Grady Jackson - A speed bump

Joe Horn - That annoying guy who keeps asking if we can hear him now.

Koren Robinson - Harold

Ricky Williams - Kumar

Ray Lewis - Ray Lewis (Everybody run! It's Ray Lewis!!)

Ahman Green - A Slip and Slide (Ok, so you all know he goes as Batman, fighting his arch nemesis, the Fumbler!)

Barry Bonds - Balco Bartokomous

Terry Glenn - A man

Todd Pinkston - Mary-Kate Olsen

Peyton Manning - A chicken

Brandon Manumaleuna - T.J. Houshmandzadeh

And finally:

I don't know what Robert Ferguson and Najeh Davenport are going as, but it's definitely a group costume. And man, is it unfortunate.



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