The Electric Commentary

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Panic

There was a point last night when the Titans were facing 2nd and 34, and I mentioned that I would bet a lot of money on them picking up the first down. A friend took me up on my offer wagering a red poker chip (cash value of about ten cents). Steve McNair promptly scrambled for 12, and then hit Derrick Mason for 24, as either Hawthorne or Carroll was giving him at least a 30-foot cushion.

This is what the Packers have been reduced to. The get behind, they can’t stop anyone, they fumble, and they make Brett throw 50 times per game. I’m not optimistic, and this is why:

Ten Reasons the Packers are Screwed

1. A best case scenario for getting into the playoffs is probably 9-7, meaning they can lose 3 more on the year. They still play Minnesota twice, Philly, St. Louis, and Jacksonville. Can you honestly see them beating any of these teams right now? What about Dallas and Houston? And the first place Lions?

2. They blew winnable games against the Bears, Giants, and Colts.

3. Their all-pro RB keeps dropping the ball.

4. Their General Manager is stupid, and drafted a bad punter in the third round. And he’s also the coach.

5. Three of the Packers’ best players, Mike Flanagan, Mike McKenzie, and Grady Jackson, are not playing. McKenzie is now a Saint.

6. They fired a defensive coordinator for a play that wasn’t his fault. He now coaches a team that has given up 66 points in 5 games. (Best among teams that have not had a bye, 4th overall).

7. They may be the worst defensive team in the NFL. (They have now given up 142 points, 15 more than any other team, and 98 more than the Seattle Seahawks).

8. Brett Favre has already been injured so severely that he was forced to leave a game.

9. Our punter has the second worst gross punting average in the league. His net average is fourth worst.

10. Our new defensive coordinator obviously does not read TMQ, or he would know that blitzing only works when the offense isn’t expecting it, otherwise it is an invitation for big plays.

11. Bonus Reason! The only team defeated by the Packers is 1-3 on the year.

But it’s not all gloom and doom.

Here are ten reasons not to count the Packers out:

1. Jonathan Quinn

2. Vinny Testaverde

3. The Washington Offensive Line

4. The Minnesota Defense

5. The Houston Defense

6. Mike Martz

7. The Jacksonville Offense

8. The Lions have only beaten the Bears, the Texans, and the offensively inept Falcons.

9. 8-8 might be good enough to win the NFC North

10. The Vikings still have to play the Colts, Giants, Seahawks, Jaguars and Titans, and the Packers twice. The Lions still have to play the Colts, Titans, Jaguars, Giants, Vikings twice, and Packers Twice. The Bears still have the Titans, Colts, and Giants as well, plus they don’t have any good players healthy.

10 Things to be Happy About

1. I watched last weeks Packer game at a bar, and people were calling Robert Ferguson “Turd” without any prompting from me. It’s spreading!

2. When I posted the Beer Pong article below, all of my advertisements changed from political ads to Beer Pong ads.

3. The Badgers are undefeated.

4. Yesterday was Columbus Day.

5. The Middle East does not control the world’s supply of dark beer.

6. The Bears still suck.

7. You play fantasy football just in case there is a season like this one.

8. Najeh Davenport has never been inside of your closet.

9. Your fantasy teams are a combined 7-2-1 (Note: If you happen to be me).

10. Chicken wings now come without bones. This may be the single greatest development of the last five years.

If you want to read a list that's better than this, click here.

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2 Comments:

  • "2. When I posted the Beer Pong article below, all of my advertisements changed from political ads to Beer Pong ads."

    Sadly, we're back to promoting "W" brand Ketchup.

    By Blogger DannyNoonan, at 11:01 AM  

  • D'oh!

    Ah, but if you click on the Permalink for the Beer Pong article, the Beer Pong ads are still present.

    By Blogger PaulNoonan, at 11:09 AM  

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