The Electric Commentary

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

NFL Mid-Season Awards!

We have reached the halfway point of the NFL season and the usual sports writers are handing out midseason awards, like this guy here. Sure Big Ben, Manning, Culpepper, Holmes, TO, etc. all deserve their due, but we here at the EC like to look a little deeper, for those players that have managed to keep up longstanding NFL traditions with their highly entertaining antics and performances.

So, without further delay it's time for the EC's mid-season football awards!

The Drew Bledsoe award for best backward pass to nobody in particular goes to:

Aaron Brooks for his cover-your-eyes awful play on Sunday. From TMQ:

The Football Gods Winced
San Diego leading 7-0, New Orleans faced third-and-10 on its 46. Quarterback Aaron Brooks was under pressure. Rather than simply take the sack -- sometimes taking the sack is a smart play for a quarterback -- he spun around and, seeing tackle Wayne Gandy behind him, fired Gandy the ball. Gandy, an offensive lineman, is not the ideal gentleman to fire the ball to; also, since he was behind the quarterback, where exactly was he supposed to go? Gandy jumped out of the way of Brooks' lateral, as if the ball was a live ferret; the lateral rolled to the Saints 23 before a New Orleans player recovered it, loss of 23 yards. The Chargers scored a touchdown on their possession following the fourth-and-33 punt, and the Saints might as well have left to get blueberry-almond martinis.

The New England Patriots award for professionalism towards female sports journalists (AKA the Mowatt) goes to:

Keyshawn Johnson for his remarks towards Pam Oliver.

The Randy Moss award for making average QBs look fantastic goes to:

Roy Williams of the Detroit Lions. When Roy is in there Joey Harrington actually looks OK.

The John Elway's Quarterback award for taking the snap and sprinting 20 yards backwards goes to:

Mark Brunell, who cannot, as a purely technical matter, throw the ball far enough to get it back to the line of scrimmage.

The Ricky Williams award for choosing Mary Jane over football goes to (an always crowded category):

Ricky Williams for his world wide tour.
Koren Robinson for his soon to begin four game suspension.
Onterrio Smith for his four game suspension.

The OJ (for mercilessly slashing through the opponent's forces) goes to:

Ray Lewis for his continued brilliance at middle linebacker despite being involved in the practice of killing people.

The Joe Valachi award for taunting people who may kill you goes to:

TO, for his hilarious but dangerous "Ray Lewis dance."

The Matt Hasselbeck "We'll take the ball, and we're gonna score" award goes to:

Chad Johnson for sending the Cleveland Browns secondary a case of Pepto as a taunt and then promptly stinking up the joint.

The Scott Mitchell award for quarterbacks who replace starters, do a decent job, and make undeserved mad cash goes to:

Brian Griese of the Bucs. Don't spend it all in one place Brian.

The TecmoBo Jackson award for the player that will always be much better in video game form than in real life goes to:

Michael Vick, and his breathtaking stats.

The Terrell Davis/Emmitt Smith award for running behind superior offensive lines goes to:

Reuben Droughns (or whoever plays RB for Denver for the foreseeable future).

The Joe Theisman award for inept sports announcing goes to:

Brian Baldinger, Fox announcer on their bottom crew, for referring to Darren Sharper as Jamie Sharper for an entire game.

Runner up - Every announcer that mentioned the "Redskins last home game-presidential race" connection.

And Finally:

The T.J. Rubley Least Valuable Player Award goes to:

Brian Barker for his terrible punting. Really this is a group award to Barker, BJ Sander, and Mike Sherman who combined to create one of the worst special teams units in the league, but only Barker has any stats. Barker is a standout as he is last in both gross and net punting average. With such a weak leg you would think that Brian would excel at the pooch, but you would be mistaken. Only two punters have landed fewer punts inside the opponent's 20 yard line (Steve Cheek and Micah Knorr). As a bonus, he also can't kick off!

Had former Packer Craig Hentrich punted this year instead of Barker, the Packers would have saved 122 yards of field position just on punts (Hentrich can also kick off). Putting in almost anyone else at this position would almost certainly be a huge improvement, making BJ Sander and Brian Barker truly valueless and worthy of carrying on T.J. Rubley's legacy.



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