The Electric Commentary

Friday, December 03, 2004

The Twelve Step Program

Hello loyal readers (both of you)! I know it's been a long time since I've rapped at ya, but life's a bitch sometimes. This whole Iraq thing has really been a thorn in our side for the last 2 years, so with elections possibly coming up, I thought I'd offer up a simple and easy 12 step plan to get us out of there. This whole democracy building thing is easy if you follow these 12 steps basic enough for any hegemon to understand. WARNING: Before beginning actual democratization, please read directions carefully and inform your nation of what is in store!!

First off, increase the troop level to at least 350,000, perhaps more; the insurrection must be completely crushed before we can proceed any further. Second, maintain high level of troops for at least one year; it needs to be common knowledge that anyone considering starting a militia and restarting intense fighting is going to be crushed. Third, completely rebuild infrastructure without locking out any noncoalition companies (perhaps they’ll give a low bid to get in while the getting is good). Fourth, build U.S. controlled system of government; I’m talking full-fledged imperialism here: we write the constitution, supervise the courts, enforce all laws. Fifth, use oil some revenues to encourage entrepreneurial activities aimed at diversifying the economy; some of the economic power must be moved away from natural resources to prevent one industry from exercising too much control. Sixth, build an educational system that prepares people to work in the new sectors of the economy we are encouraging. Seventh, reduce troop level by half once educational system is in place. Eighth, encourage an independent mass media; if we are generally benefiting the country, it would be nice to have someone to tell the public so. Having the public know we fuck up once in a while is a risk we’ll have to take. Ninth, hold elections for legislative branch (I believe a prime ministerial government might work best in Iraq, so we’ll dispense with the executive election). Tenth, hold elections again. Eleventh, withdraw half of remaining troops following second election. Twelfth, move military bases from Germany to Iraq and maintain permanent presence.
So, it’s as simple that! Who says we can’t build a stable democracy? Granted, this plan will take 10 years to implement, but then again an internal DoD memo said we’d probably have troops there for 10 years anyway. Now, who’s next?!?!


  • Yea, I like this plan. But plans don't work in Iraq. The people are factioned like a pie at a christmas party. Yet, this is way better than I can come up with. The plan is, of course, ideal. There are many factors we couldn't possibly include, politics, money, assinations. It's kind of like saying "What would you do if you had unlimted money and reasources?" Of course we don't, but maybe those greed mongers at the top can just spend $ we don't have. I never did understand how that worked....

    By Blogger Rhoads, at 8:41 AM  

  • "Yea, I like this plan. But plans don't work in Iraq."

    How do we know...we haven't tried one yet.

    The idealism of this plan illuminates the realism of the struggle ahead.

    By Blogger RyanSimatic, at 2:36 PM  

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