The Electric Commentary

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

How to tell if your small child is gay.

Dan Drezner points to this helpful list:

Evidences of gender confusion or doubt in boys ages 5 to 11 may include:

1. A strong feeling that they are "different" from other boys.

2. A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the roughhousing that other boys enjoy.

3. A persistent preference to play female roles in make-believe play.

4. A strong preference to spend time in the company of girls and participate in their games and other pastimes.

5. A susceptibility to be bullied by other boys, who may tease them unmercifully and call them "queer," "fag" and "gay."

6. A tendency to walk, talk, dress and even "think" effeminately.

7. A repeatedly stated desire to be - or insistence that he is - a girl.

If your child is experiencing several signs of gender confusion, professional help is available. It's best to seek that help before your child reaches puberty.

"By the time the adolescent hormones kick in during early adolescence, a full-blown gender identity crisis threatens to overwhelm the teenager," warns psychologist Dr. James Dobson. To compound the problem, many of these teens experience "great waves of guilt accompanied by secret fears of divine retribution."

If your child has already reached puberty, change is difficult, but it's not too late.

Like Dan, I think I may also have to tell my wife of my apparent homosexual tendencies. Oh well.

This is one of the single stupidest things I've ever read. Fortunately this guy has several helpful suggestions, including:

Dunk your son into a deep pool of water. If he floats to the top, he is full of buoyant gaymotrons (identified by physicists as the gay particle) and therefore gay. If he sinks to the bottom and drowns, he is a poor swimmer and unathletic and therefore gay. If he begins to sink and then just sorta hangs there, the water is gay.


Read the post at Fafblog as well as at Drezner. Good times.

Update: In a related story, Paul Brewer (who has been visiting two of my favorite pubs) points to this exchange between Jerry Falwell and Chris Matthews:

On Hardball, Falwell and Matthews discussed an advertisement for the United Church of Christ (UCC) that CBS, UPN, and NBC recently refused to air. The ad depicts bouncers outside a church turning away minority, disabled, and apparently gay parishioners. Falwell argued that unlike the minority and disabled parishioners, the gay people depicted in the ad were not born gay, because nobody "is born a bank robber or born a hostile left-winger or a hostile right-winger or gay or a promiscuous heterosexual."


Except...

When Matthews asked Falwell if he chose to be heterosexual, Falwell answered, "I did." But moments later, when Matthews noted that when Falwell started dating he "chose girls," Falwell said, "I never had to decide. I never thought about it."



Maybe he should run through the checklist. You know, just to make sure.

Update: More here.

6 Comments:

  • On a related note, I was intrigued by this exchange between Chris Matthews and Jerry Falwell.

    By Blogger PRB, at 10:48 PM  

  • Apparently all far right wingers have repressed memories of that brief period of time during which girls go from "icky" to facinating with absolutely no thought process.

    In fact, I'm just waiting for one of them to say, "Well I started having these urges, and after trying a few lamps and barnyard animals I read the bible for 3 days straight and realized that what God wanted me to do was direct these urges toward women. In fact I talked to a raccoon the other day and he told me he made a similar decision to be attracted to female raccoons, but that is irrelevant because evolution is false."

    By Anonymous Scott H, at 11:48 AM  

  • The stuff I love is on Dobson's Web site, like the letter from the boy who told Dr. Dobson, "When I was little (not that little) I tried to more than once to suck my own penis (to be frank). That sounds very bad and looks even worse to read it. I pray that nothing is wrong with me."

    And this: "Meanwhile, the boy's father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger."

    By Blogger MDS, at 1:40 PM  

  • I'm glad I have a good mom. She used to read James Dobson all the time she was raising us. And then she found out I was gay and chose her son over a crazy fundamentalist bastard. Now she says without a moment's hesitation: "It's genetic."

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:34 PM  

  • My wife and I have no kids (thank the lord) and we are very happy without the responsibilities that being parents would bring upon us.
    However, we are friends with many other married couples that have kids. I can tell you that in the past 2 years I've noticed that parents (especially mothers) are absolutely obsessed with the fear that their BOYS might possibly be gay. The "I wonder if my son is gay" topic seems to be a constant source of conversation that comes up in any setting. It's very obvious to me that these parents are HORRIFIED at the prospect that their boy might be gay because this would (in their eyes) be the WORST possible outcome in their lives and would indicate that they have failed as parents by allowing THEIR offspring to grow up to become gay.

    It's as if the #1 thing parents are afraid of today in 2009 is that their boy is going to grow up to be gay. I feel sorry for all the kids who are growing up in today's times. I mean even at age 10-11 these boys are expected to always display VERY Masculine behavior at ALL TIMES otherwise they will almost instantly be labeled as GAY. The world has gone GAY crazy and parents everywhere are just nuts over the idea of boys growing up to become homosexual adults.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:07 PM  

  • This is actually quite true. I know it sounds prejudice, but homosexuality is NOT natural.... Therefore, it cannot be genetic. But, it's also not a choice, either - so, what is it? The answer is that homosexuality is really environmental. If you take action before he reaches puberty, then homosexuality can actually be stopped. Just make sure that the child has a strong male role model (if he's a boy), or a strong female role modfel(if she's as girl). Also, he or she will need to know and understand that certain behaviors are not okay, of course. Usually, the child won't mind changing, either, since their "homo" behavior will have probobly been causing their peers to persecute them.

    By Blogger Sam, at 6:23 PM  

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