The Electric Commentary

Monday, August 07, 2006

Scott Adams: The New Dave Barry?

What guy can't relate to this?

Once in a while I experience a problem that I wonder if anyone else in the world has ever had. Yesterday was one of those times.

I was packing for a one week cruise with my new family and spied some briefs in a drawer that I hadn’t worn since I-don’t-know-when. So I figured I’d give them a go as part of my travel outfit. This turned out to be a big mistake.

For the benefit of the ladies reading this, let me explain a bit about the architecture of men’s briefs. We’re all about efficiency, so most traditional briefs have a flap in the front for quick extraction of your Johnson. That allows us to drink caffeinated beverages (from a cup, not our Johnson) right up to the last moment when it would be too late to make it to the restroom. Then it’s just zip-yank-wizzzzzz. It’s all good.

As a practical matter, I think most guys do the “pull down” move as opposed to snaking it through the flap hole. But in any event, the flap hole is there if you need it, perhaps more for tradition than anything else.

Now sometimes a pair of briefs – for reasons I cannot understand – have the most annoying characteristic you could ever imagine: In the course of normal walking and sitting, the wearer’s weinershnitzel ends up poking halfway through the flap hole like a turtle coming out of its shell. And before long, the most sensitive part of your body is wedged between your briefs and the harsh denim material of your pants.

As I walked toward the departure gate, I was choking Private Johnson and giving him a noogie at the same time.


It gets better too.

2 Comments:

  • That's why I wear boxers. The fact that the Johnson freely hangs as opposed to being pressed against the fabric greatly reduces the probability of the "sanding" effect happening.

    By Anonymous Rashid Z. Muhammad, at 7:46 AM  

  • It's actually worse if you're wearing those freaking Jockey brand and one of the boys gets out, now that is really hard to take.

    By Blogger Scott H, at 4:59 PM  

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