The Electric Commentary

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

The JoeChat Conspiracy

If you read FireJoeMorgan regularly, you know that a staple of the site is the JoeChat, in which Ken Tremendous takes select Q&As from Joe Morgan's online chats and comments about just how uninformed, poorly written, and insane the answers are.

A funny thing has been happening lately. Fire Joe Morgan is popular enough that the people asking questions in JoeChats are only doing so to provoke an insane response from Joe. Popular methods of JoeBaiting include:

1. Asking about Gary Sheffield.
2. Using the word "consistency," possibly misspelled.
3. Using the word "concetrate," a misspelling of the word "concentrate."
4. Asking Joe about potential Hall of Famers, as Joe is on the Hall of Fame induction committee (or something like that) and believes that answering would be a conflict of interest or some such nonsense.

There are more, but you get the idea. Lately, almost every person asking a question has been JoeBaiting, and not asking a real question. Here is the latest. Ken Tremendous Schrute Schur is now openly questioning whether JoeBaiting is ruining JoeChats and, whether or not Joe Morgan (or more likely the guy who writes JoeChats, whom we call Bill Fremp because writing "the guy who writes JoeChats for Joe Morgan" takes too long) is messing with him.

If you just assume that Joe is actually writing these things then this seems implausible, as Joe Morgan is really stupid, and so I find this to be very unlikely. I have it on good authority that the only ESPN guys who actually write their own chats are the younger set, while guys of Joe Morgan's age farm it out to interns.

Before moving on, I should point out one other thing. Earlier in the year, during the "Fremp Era" it appeared that Joe had suddenly become somewhat smart (which is what led to the Fremp Theory in the first place). Keep in mind that if Joe is smart, then JoeChats are boring. Then keep in mind that just a few weeks ago on June 18th, 2008, Ken wrote this:

These haven't been that fun lately, frankly. They have their share of "consistently"s and "Sheffield"s and stuff, but in general, whether it's Bill Fremp or Joe getting better or something, the answers aren't that crazy and the jokes are starting to feel the same. So, this may be the last full JoeChat for a while. I may start just picking out individual moments or something...whatever. We'll play it by ear. It's a blog, after all, so we'll wing it.

So basically, Ken Tremendous threatened to quit doing JoeChats on June 18th. And on the very next JoeChat on June 23rd, look what happens. Joe is back to being insane. He can't use the correct form of "their" and "there." And he actually wrote this:

chad rochester ny : joe, do u think the yanks can pull it out and make the playoffs without wang, and if so who do u think will step up

Joe Morgan: Before Wong got hurt,

This cannot just be a typo. Take a look at your keyboard and note that the "a" is way over on the left, while the "o" is way over in the upper right. Also note that there is no baseball fan who does not know that his last name is Wang, because he's on the Yankees which means that his highlights take up the 50% of SportsCenter not devoted to the Red Sox.

And it's been getting crazier and crazier including the most recent JoeChat, which is completely insane.

We know the following:

1. ESPN does, in fact, employ young people, some of whom probably read sites like FJM and Deadspin and the like.

2. Joe Morgan probably does not do his own online chats.

3. JoeChats are only fun when Joe is stupid.

4. Joe, or Fremp, momentarily got smarter.

5. Ken Tremendous basically threatened to quit doing JoeChats.

6.Immediately after this threat, Joe became extremely stupid and completely insane (again).

7. JoeBaiting is so obvious at this point that only the worlds dumbest person would not notice it.

Conclusion: There is only one obvious conclusion. Bill Fremp, the ESPN employee charged with writing JoeChats, ostensibly representing what Joe Morgan would think and say, is actually a reader of FireJoeMorgan, and is writing the JoeChat specifically for comment by Ken Tremendous. I think Fremp was so horrified at the Prospect of FJM ceasing to comment on JoeChats that he decided to go all out with his Joe Morgan-inspired craziness. After all, if you were charged with writing JoeChats, which contain no insight and are largely pointless on their own, and you learned of the existence of FJM, which suddenly brings meaning to your work, and turns it into a sort of postmodern work of art, you would also probably fight to keep FJM interested in what is an otherwise dull activity.

Fremp, I've got you nailed. Sure you nominally work for ESPN, the Worldwide Leader, but I know your secret. In the darkest recesses of your brain, you work for a little blog run by 6 guys who like to critique sports journalism. And really, with your assignment I can't say that I blame you.


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